August.

Nothin ruins my day like multiple people telling me how exhausted I look. Yea...I am super tired but I'd rather you let me pretend that I'm getting away with looking exhausted while trying not to. August people are the worst on this island--none of them know their way around which normally is fine, but sometimes when they refuse to actually listen to what I am saying to them I have the urge to just start telling them how oblivious and ignorant they are. 10 bucks says the majority of them wouldn't even notice my insults.

Last night was super awkward for me. I went and saw a band that I befriended the last time they were on island, we hung out with them after the show and I was just overcome with pure exhaustion. I have no idea what it was but I needed to be in bed at like 9:30pm..instead I went OUT at 9:30pm and ended up in bed at 3:45am. That is what I like to call a long evening. Not to mention my day was extremely long and I felt like I was going to pass out the entire day. But enough with the complaining...I have these little issues and then I have the huge issues that I do not know what to do with!

1. Who am I taking to my sisters wedding? I have several people that seem convinced that I've asked them and that they are going with me. There's only one person I would like to take and I have no idea how to verbalize to the others that it's not them.

2. Was I right when I didn't believe in going to therapy for myself? I feel like talking to someone that knows nothing about me is a good thing...but at the same time I'm admitting all of these things to her and to myself that I really don't want to be thinking about. I have successfully trained myself to live in denial with no regrets for anything. That is completely unhealthy and will most definitely catch up with me....but you know what...if I want to carry on happy and content with these things in the very deepest depths of my brain then I have every right to do that. I can live the way I please. But instead of actually believing that..I continue with my therapy in hopes that everyone telling me how much it works for them it will work for me.

3. I feel like a whale. It's a really beautiful feeling.

4. This summer has been the ODDEST summer of my life. I'm having fun, it's nice to be 21 but I have no idea where to go from here. I have made some decisions this summer that I told myself I would never do. Shit happens. I've accepted that fact. I'm not doing drugs, I'm not whoring myself, I'm not torturing anyone....I think I'm doing alright. I'm allowed to make "young mistakes". I won't be able to for much longer so why not.

5. I am SO happy to not be going back to school. When people ask me "how's school" and I reply with "I wouldn't know..I left" they always respond in 1 of 2 ways: 1.) they hit me and say "what?! why?!" 2.) "ah, well it's not for everyone".
                          Ok people! I really don't give a shit about your opinion. Just because everyone in your universe has told you that school is the only way to get anywhere in love doesn't mean that I live in the same universe so you should probably take my advice when I say 'FUCK OFF'. Thank you very much.

.....I am clearly not having a good day. Many of the clients that have walked through the door today have been fabulously rude. I find myself thanking the pleasent clients for being so humbled and sweet and asking them to please come back just so I can have some good energy around. Is that horrible?

I need lunch.