Well....I had a successful work season and learned a lot.
My brother moved home and we've been spending a lot of time together.
Come to think of it my entire family has been spending more time together.
I learned how to drive standard AND bought a car!
I moved into a new apartment.
but most importantly I fell in love.
I find myself making decisions that when I was alone I would have never considered thinking about making yet. We are talking about buying a new bed, future vacations, getting another cat...there's so many good things that come with being with this person. The other parts...the parts that force me to really REALLY look into my insecurities and whatnot is the tough part.
I've noticed that I have become extremely sensitive, and I mean SENSITIVE to things that didn't bother me before. I am still trying to focus on the positive, which I think I have been doing a pretty good job at. The hard part is trying not to react or overreact to things that I have no control over. What he does is his business and his choice. I can't help that some of it effects me...of course it's going to effect me! But here is an example.
So after about 8 years of smoking a pack a day...he quit! He cut down and then just quit cold turkey pretty much. He has been doing so great and I couldn't be more proud of him! I know how difficult a thing it is, especially for someone that is constantly surrounded by people that smoke at work and whatnot. So he decided that when the time was right and he was comfortable to do so he would only have 1 or 2 when would go to the bar (drinking and smoking go so well together after all..) we talked about it and thought that was an ok plan. He's been fantastic! Not smoking any other time...and we never go out so he's only have like 5 in a month. Ok so the last 2 days we've had a snow storm and there's enough snow on the ground that he had to go out plowing early this morning. I thought that he had some breakfast...figured he wouldn't make a lunch cause he kind of never does. He calls me and tells me about his morning (where he's been plowing) and proceeds to say that he hasn't eaten anything today but HAS had cigarettes so...I can't help how I feel so I instantly get disappointed and kind of upset. I know it's not my place to tell him what to do or have any kind of intense emotion about something like this...but to me it's a bigger deal than most people would most likely consider it to be. I can't help how I feel and I feel upset. Is it a bit crazy and overbearing? Probably. But I love him and I want him to keep to and achieve his goals. He's been really proud of himself for doing so well and I know that this will bring him down.
I don't know...maybe I'm becoming one of those crazy ridiculous reactive girlfriends that bitches about everything. I've never done this before so I have no idea what the rules are. If anyone could let me know I would appreciate it. But considering I'm the only one who knows my blog exists...I'll have to figure it out.
Happy new year!
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