Trying.

I want to fucking kill someone. Every emotion I just got the nerve to write about was deleted. FUCK. So how about I just make a list of all the things that currently suck in my life.

1. I'm dead broke.
2. I am officially unemployed.
3. There is nobody left on this island for the season.
4. It's getting dark way too early.
5. My happy thought moved across the country.

I'm really not one to complain but sometimes I just feel it's necessary to venting. I've been in a funk lately because I've been trying like to hell to find work and there's just nothing here. And I've had the conversation with the handful of people that are left on this stupid little island that I tend to hate so much from November until just before Christmas. I'm trying to stay positive, I'm trying like hell but it's just difficult right now. And the next person to tell me that I should go back to school or tell me something I've heard a million times already...will not be hearing from me for a long time. Guh I don't know what to do. I feel like I have all of these ideas about how I could be spending my time that's healthy and productive...But at the same time I'm fuckin lost. Maybe making a list of the positive will help.

1. I'm alive.
2. I'm healthy.
3. I have a place to live.
4. I have a family.
5. I have health insurance.
6. I live in a  beautiful place.
7. I have a happy thought, and he is beautiful.

The holidays make things a bit happier for a while. I think things will turn around for me eventually, until then I'm trying to find a way to make them turn around.