Boys.
Now that one word may seem like THE most typical word to begin a woman's rant but I would not consider the subject worthy of ranting- if that makes any sense. It's a new year and for the first time I feel as if I am beginning to understand myself and prior decisions I have made in my life. The salon, to my surprise, was not very busy today which gave my sister and I a chance to talk. We started out by talking about how ridiculous people's fears can be--which reverted back to us realizing how ridiculous our own fears are (hers: throwing up anxiety/ mine: puppets). From there we went on to discuss other things in our lives that bother us and that we seem to have no control over. My situation is quite personal so I won't be going into detail about it, but let's just say that talking about it....REALLY talking about it for the first time made me feel so much better. I find that I have all of these thoughts and emotions but can't figure out how to express them correctly simply because I don't tell anyone about them. I swear, sometimes I involuntarily consider myself to be superhuman ; as if everything I feel can be contained and I will have no issues not letting it out! This my friends....is not the case. I feel like I have no idea how to compile all of my Everything into their proper places...like right now.ANYWAY
This past summer I had a semi-feature film/ lifetime channel movie experience. Here's the story:
I live on an island that is 20-something miles wide, this being said: driving up-island from down island is considered to be a lengthy trip, one that is made for specific occasions (going to the beach, seafood dinner, watch the sunset etc). So I was spending the day with my mother and we were putting up posters all over the island promoting the production of The Putnam County Spelling Bee that my brother was the following weekend. We drove up-island to put a poster up in the market that our cousins run, we figured they would allow it considering we are family ( and they did!). So as my mom waits in the car, I walk into the little store and as to see Kevin, the owner (my cousin) so he comes down and we chat for a bit. While having a discussion about a large dock fire that had taken place in the area days before, I see a guy walk in with a slip of paper, he's kinda dirty, bandana on his head, boots, and a gorgeous smile. He's the water delivery guy for the store! He chimes in on the conversation and I go outside to put the poster up on the cork board. As this guy walks out to his truck to start putting the cases of water on the porch, I tried to get a good look at him because he looked extremely familiar. Now, I have a rather large tattoo on my back of a tree made out of my favorite quotations (from film, literature, music etc), the shirt I was wearing was cut across the back, so my tattoo was completely visible. As I was tacking the poster up I heard him comment on how epic he thought my tattoo was and how I reminded him of someone he knew. I thought that was hilarious considering I had been thinking the same thing moments before. He extended his hand out to me and said his name was Matt, I shook his hand, smiled, and told him my name--then it clicked! I remembered who he was! I had met him years ago when I was hanging out with theses girls that I would never go anywhere near now. All I remembered about him was his smile and that he had a guitar (wonderful way to remember someone huh? ha!). So anyway, I go on to tell him that I think I know who he is and we have a short chat-all the while my mother is still sitting in the car staring at me. He suggests we hang out sometime because he thinks I'm interesting, I give him my number-take his and we part ways.
I must say--it sounds extremely simple and not at all a big deal, but to me at the time nobody had ever been so genuinely interested in seeing me again the way he had suggested. I could tell that he was a really sweet guy just from the way he was looking at me and talking to me. Once I got in the car my mom immediately harped on the subject and told me how adorable she thought he was. I apologized for taking a while, I thought she would have gotten impatient with me but she was actually happy that I stopped to talk to the boy because she got a vibe from him that he was a sweet kid. I'm telling you--that was SO unlike my mother, she really surprised me. So this kid and I end up hanging out (which I mostly NEVER do because I'm too scared or people annoy me) but I gave it a shot. He's wicked sweet and I can be myself around him which is actually difficult for me to do with certain people.
This rambling means nothing really, but I had to write something down and this kid has been one of the only things on my mind lately. For some reason I thoroughly enjoy just thinking about him, probably because he's one of the most interesting people that I have ever met. He's smart in all the weirdest subjects, we believe the same things and he doesn't get offended at all of the heinous things I tend to say throughout any and every conversation. So how does this have ANYTHING to do with the talk my sister and I had today? WELL she got me thinking about how I never give anyone a real chance, including myself. She has always wanted me to allow myself to get close with people on a mental level and I have always had such a hard time with doing just that. So I've decided to give this one a chance and see if I'm not a lost cause when it comes to human contact. That would be a nice realization to have.
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