Substance

Make something out of nothing.

I have no idea how to go about discussing my emotions. Why is it that writing things down helps us? I think it's because our minds tend to run like the heart of a mouse--infinitely fast. The only problem with that analogy is that slowing the heart rate of a mouse means death to the mouse...oops. Slowing the mind is one of the most important things for people like me, people that simply cannot do anything if it is not organized. I think this is why I became so passionate about films. Movies are set (mostly) by a general formula, beginning-middle-something compromising the middle-climax-end. That seems pretty organized to me, so I can pay my full attention to whatever happenings are going on onscreen. Once I realized this formula...I started exploring the non-normative Indie and Avant-Garde films that don't follow this general outline. And that my friends is where the love for film was born--realizing that every film is artistic expression that is built to make you think. I find that even certain comedies are created around a serious topic in order to allow the viewer to shed the comedic layers and see the message throughout. Maybe this jibberish isn't making much sense but I can't help but spit it out and pretend someone will understand. I can try to explain the feeling I get when I watch a film for the first, second, third time... it's pure...like swimming naked in the ocean...it's organic. I am overwhelmed with emotion...sometimes the kind of emotion The Notebook draws:

 

Sometimes every other emotion there is. And yes we took that picture right after watching The Notebook for the first time JUST to document how pathetic our lives were at that very moment. Any-who, I get so discouraged when having a conversation with someone about one thing or another and they don't even consider the good side of it. I've noticed lately that I am guilty of this action and it needs to stop. Recently I was talking to my sister about certain films, she asked about M. Night Shyamalan's newest film Devil, I am not at all a fan of his work besides the few that are incredible. She asked my opinion about the film and if it was worth watching, I just blurted out (without any explanation or thought) that it sucked. Technically I have no right to say that considering it's an acquired style of film-making that he is known for and I am not in M. Night's court whatsoever.  She replied by saying  "you always say 'it sucks'" and that made me a little upset in that I had to reorder my thoughts and have a mini realization about thinking before I speak. 

On a side note: Have you ever thought about if other people think that you are aware of what they say to you? Translation: when you say something obscene and/or offensive and don't back it up--the person you say it to > do they know that you are aware that you sounded like an ass? I think about that all the time because I am SO aware of the things that I say, and honestly sometimes I can be a super bitch when I'm being too honest at the wrong moment. 

Back to it. After that little chat with my sister I harped on the subject in my own mind for the rest of the day. I've found that since I have been home my mind has almost rebooted completely and disposed of all the unnecessary negative thoughts and left me with a clean slate.

For anyone that reads this I am SO bursting with inspiration and happiness and love that I want to give you a hug! That sounds crazy but I feel so completely rejuvenated and excited to be alive again, not sitting in a desk that makes me feel like the BFG faking my emotions behind tired eyes. I am going to due my best to stay positive and remind myself daily that balance is important in every way. 

The reason I wrote this tonight (technically this morning) was because I just finished watching Ron Howard's Apollo 13. The film is truly compelling and I recommend it to anyone and everyone, it's amazing. The fact that it is about true events really hits home at the end when the men return to Earth. The things people can accomplish through communication is remarkable. One thing that I advise to fellow movie lovers is that when watching a film, watch it more than once in your lifetime. Also, even if you absolutely cannot stand the film and never want to watch it ever again--try to find something about it that you liked or could relate to. I believe it's very important to get as much out of something that you can, especially something you have ill-feelings toward or qualms about. One film that I think is important for the cynical people walking around on the planet is American Beauty, it's definitely in my top 5 favorites because it changed my life. I've viewed it countless times and every time find something new that adds to it's honesty about life.  

Watch it--think about it--let me know what you think.