I came across this list I made and thought: what better place to post it!

Things I Would Never Admit--But Need You To Know
1. I am a jealous human being.

2. I do care what certain people think--who doesn't? But sometimes I feel like people think I'm putting up some kind of front just to be perceived as "cool" or whatever. Honestly, that whole 90's "cool" thing doesn't really exist. Not for me anyway. If you really think about it there is no such thing as being cool--this is because there are SO MANY different types of people that consider different things to be acceptable to their genre. It's all crap.---the reason I wrote this list is not for attention---for anyone that gives a shit I think it might help to explain the way I am and why I am this way.

3. I'm cynical. I realize that..

4. I tried so hard for so long to be funny..and now I consider myself a semi-humorous person. If I can make people laugh then I'm doin alright.

5. I feel alone all the time because I put myself in that position.

6. I feel older than all of my friends even though I pull myself down to not act that way.

7. College has introduced me to the awful world of superficial trash talking for no reason--and I hate it.

8. I treat my mother the way I shouldn't.

9. I've considered death.

10. I don't have a substance abuse problem.

11. I don't believe in marriage.

12. No I didn't sleep with that person.

13. I probably don't like you.

14. I'm not "trying to be different". News flash--nobody has to TRY because everyone is different.

15. I am a bitch..I'm thoroughly aware thank you.

16. There's one person that I no longer have any respect for because they are a coward--but I'm a coward not to tell them.

17. I don't believe in the term "best friends" but I consider Jesse and Seniel my closest soulmates.

18. Pencils make me sick.

19. I have never once romanticized or exaggerated anything about February of 2006.

20. I have never and will never do drugs.

21. I'm tired of lying.

22. I can't be honest with myself.

23. I refuse to form relationships because I know how they will end.

24. If I were depressed I would never know or admit it.

25. I have trouble admitting I'm wrong.

26. I feel like I need to make a large change in this world in order to matter in life.

27. I feel like it won't happen for me.

28. I'm selfish.

29. I want so badly what other people have.

30. I want to be like my brother in so many ways.

31. I want to be like my sister in every other way.

32. I want.

33. I've thought I was fat since I was 6.

34. I hardly listen to reason.

35. I'm not as smart as some people say/ think I am.

36. I don't believe in god.

37. I think religion is ridiculous and awful and turns people against eachother.

38. I think politics is a religion.

39. I put you down to feel important.

40. I ignore you because I think you aren't worth my time.

41. If I were sexually assaulted I don't think it would affect me.

42. I'm afraid to fail for my family’s sake.

43. I can't get close to anybody.

44. I hate being asked "are you ok?"--it drives me FUCKING CRAZY

45. I hate when people think it's funny to ask me that after I tell them I hate it.

46. I don't care if you lie to me.

47. I want happiness so badly.

48. I want to make everyone else happy before myself or else I can't achieve happiness.

49. I know what love and loss feels like from the same girl.

50. Sex has only meant anything to me maybe once.

51. I use my own body against myself.

52. Yes--I do like my tattoos. No they aren't for show and yes 'why so serious' has plenty of meaning linked with the film and the comics and the reason they were created.

53. I don't know why it's hard for me to be kind to my own mother.

54. My friends’ parents have considered me a bad influence.
55. I'm confident only when I have to be.

56. I'm terrible at explaining myself.

57. Sometimes I question if I love myself.

58. I have too many feelings.

59. I feel as if I can’t equate to my siblings.

60. I work my ass off in school and still get mediocre grades.

61. I’m afraid to tell my dad things about me because I think he will get mad and not accept them.

62. I go to the movies by myself because it's one of the only things that keeps me sane at school.

63. I want to be more like the way my mother was when I was 8.

64. I get down on myself about anything and everything.

65. I have a soul I promise.