What's the next step?
There's the typical line-up of things that people "normally" do:
-fall in love
-move in together
-get a pet together
-get married
-have a baby
...now...I have got the first 2 down (the third thing is in the works!)
Up until this relationship I never believed in the institution of marriage and I still struggle with it. But it's something that he really wants and I am willing to give him what he wants if it makes him happy. Luckily neither one of us wants children (you can imagine my excitement when we had that conversation).
So with all of that aside...what about all of the things in between the steps of a relationship? What about all of the things you have to work through? I guess I wasn't prepared for HOW much I would have to look into myself and who I used to be. I assumed my past would come into play but I never thought it would be a defining factor in how he feels about me within a certain light. I have a lengthy past full of loneliness, sadness and self destruction...just as most people do. It's been difficult working through certain things but we always get through it and for that I am grateful.
Without getting into too much detail, there is a specific thing about my past that was very difficult for me to overcome on my own. I have never shared my life with another person, this is my first (and my only) relationship. I want it to work, I want it to thrive and stay beautiful and healthy and full of love and understanding. The argument we have is always the same and because it's specifically about ME and something that I have done...I get a little defensive...ok a lot defensive (good english!). I feel so much love for this person and I use that as a reminder of where he is coming from with his concerns and feelings. I have to learn that it's not just me anymore, next to my family and our cat...he is the most important thing in my life and I would fall apart if I lost him. It's easy to lose sight of these things during a heated moment or discussion. I find it most important to keep the positive things in plain site because "out of site-out of mind" works with just about everything, even the good things.
I have never felt this way about anyone, I constantly feel like my life is a movie. Hearing things like "you are the best thing that has ever happened to me" and "I can't live without you" is unreal. He tells me all the time how he feels about me and I have never trusted anyone more with their words. I trust him with my life and I know he feels the same. I am growing so much as a person and we are planning for the future and trying our best to be smart with our money and our energy so we can have a fulfilling and comfortable life together. I believe we will have the things we want and need.
I am grateful everyday that I have him. I am so lucky.
